Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Randomize
