I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
You were making out w/ur brothers coach against a door when someone opened it and you both fell through... Then you continued to make out on the ground
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
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