the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Randomize
