So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
