I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
Still drunk on my morning "run" which has turned into a walk. Just burped fireball
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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