Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
If Boring and Monotone had a love child, it would be this guy.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Randomize
