I got "discovered a new religion high" last night
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
Randomize
