I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Brandon just fucked that chick! I tried to warn him but T9 said she had "puppy roses" instead of "pussy sores"
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Can we end it on a good note at least? Can we fuck and then never talk again?
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
Do you think that my Facebook profile picture kinda look like im being raped by a 10 foot polar bear ?
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
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