you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
He's throwing up in my bed and I'm not even getting fucked for this
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Accidentally peeing a little on the couch in the middle of a sneeze is way different from railing a random on our waffle counter. I am the better roommate.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize