just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
As you were leaving you yelled at the owners that the stairs weren't suitable for "intoxacapated" people and promptly fell down them.
So I WAS right.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
