I just want to know how you cleaned her puke off the twister mat with no gloves. And didn't throw up
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
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