At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
so my dad walked in on us having sex
lulz really? why?
lets just say he wont be answering to 'daddy' for a loooooong time
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Its not college unless your study breaks were to go throw up from blacking out the night before
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize