yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
I was laying there trying to sleep and then he sat up, took out his dick, and put it on my shoulder. It wasn't even hard- it was just casually perched.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
