my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
frankly if you're gonna get kicked out of your place, hooking up with your gay roommate's boyfriend would be the most entertaining way to do it.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
