Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
His shirt was in the kitchen sink this morning, I'm pretty sure my roommates know.
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
I'm a mess. I mean I almost got off but I'm a fucking rubics cube down there so il givenhim the point
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