someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
literally overdrew my bank account at 3 in the morning to eat subway with 7 sherriffs.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So you're mad that I let you go home with the guy with soft hands but yet you can't understand that I was just trying to help you
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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