I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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