is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
