So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Come over? It's my birthday
How many times has that text failed you tonight?
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
