yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
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