So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
You dont understand he had a split tongue thats bucket list worthy.
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
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