if you like me you must not know who I am
i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
You can't motorboat a personality
I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
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