Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
alex threw up in my bong. i'm going to call it a night.
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
Randomize
