so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
I need to puke. I need a shower. I need rehab. I need to detox and puke. I feel like demons are inside of me.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
If that guy asks u bout me, I said my name is Jenelle, from CT, I'm a cat behiavor consultant and I'm 29. Back my story up
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Randomize
