TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
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