i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
Is there a technical name for reverse cowgirl? I'm trying to maintain a little dignity with my mother here
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Randomize
