one might say we're banned from that church
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
If I showed up at your door with pizza and a bottle of tequila wearing nothing but chaps and a fireman helmet, would you send me away?
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
Randomize
