oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
