just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
and you said cock pushups were impossible
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
doooooooo herrrrrrrrr
I'm out of practice. be my yoda
put your penis in her you must.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Randomize
