highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
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