saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
The best, and by the best I mean the worst, was the 7 month along pregnant chick in the skin tight body suit.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Randomize
