lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
she peed on how many people?
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
Randomize
