i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
