I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
You guys crashed sarahs vespa into a snowbank and its still there. not cool.
I was just laying in bed wondering if there's more important things in life than cheese stuffed pretzels.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
