i permit you to call me
it was nice. we just kind of hung out. she didnt even mention the farting incident.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
Dude I'm drinking a martini out of a water bottle, I've become my parents.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
Randomize
