I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
you win again, gameday.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just had to explain why I ate a whole quart of mac and cheese before 8am. Not a good start to the day
Was reaching for my vibrator this morning out of my nightstand and strained my neck muscle. I'm getting so old.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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