So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
