Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
Randomize
