was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
I tried telling you she just blew me in the bathroom but you were too busy making out with her to listen
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Building a door into the garage so when I bring girls home my mom doesn't wake up.
Pathetic yet considerate
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
