A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
Wydf in so deruk i just dowwned a packet if salt waitibg for food at del taco
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Randomize
