can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Used tampon in my purse. That from you?
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
And I know a few people wouldnt want to even be around high people. Which is sad. But jet packs are cool.
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Cheers to being single today. There's an entire box of franzia with my name on it.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
Randomize
