i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
Randomize
