can you pick up canola oil? she lives by wegmans
who is canola oil?
you're an idiot.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
How are you not embarrassed to know me. I'm a mess right now. I'm a walking, talking tornado of embarrassment
I'm naked, I'm drunk, and I'm all up on social media right now
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
What kind of scumbag goes to a baby's 1st birthday party with a black eye? This kind. Me. I'm disgraceful.
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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