How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
you ever fart during an orgasm? feels like u just lost 10 pounds
i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
