She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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