I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
