you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Seriously? Time stamp. 2:31 AM. And I am taking self potraits with a tree. Betty Ford anyone?
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
P.S. It's common courtesy to let the girl your banging know if she's about to walk into the same place your girlfriend is at so she can get her poker face ready
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
How do you politely tell someone to get out of your house in Russian
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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