I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
We're having soft pretzels and cheese dip for dinner tonight. Like fucking adults.
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
First date was awkward. I think I just saw someone die.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
