Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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