he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
He's very warm and cuddly, that's my favorite thing about him. Besides his Porche. And his hot brother.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
