can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
