just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Tears For Fears is the only thing getting me through life at this moment.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
Randomize
