So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
Omg. I wanna lecture the drug dealer about how highschool should not be his glory days.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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