Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
So you called me the queen of nudes yesterday and I'm still not sure how I feel about it
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
