Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
The beer is more important than you right now.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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