Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
The guy I blew last night was pierced in multiple places. I had to use extra caution to avoid my temporary filling.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
