3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
