is your mom at the bar?
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
There's limited edition cherry vanilla nyquil. It's like they know how much I hate myself and they're giving me a consolation prize.
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
