Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
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