Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
So the doctor told me that I am starting to showing the early signs of liver cirrhosis. Thank you Jack Daniels for making the first 26 years of my life awesome.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
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