Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
I remember grabbing your ass. So firm. So right. I don't regret it.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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