there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Just got kicked out of two hot tubs. We were naked the second time. So awkward getting out in front of the security guard.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
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