Who do you think planted the wheat? Who do you think cleared the land and killed off the native inhabitants? Women?
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
it was like eating out sand paper
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Definitely contact high. Thirty miles an hour listening too i can see clearly now wanting too eat the steering wheel
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
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