There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
