So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
Randomize
