At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Some girls mom just approved of me banging her on Fb.... For the whole world to see.. I'm officially a god.
Randomize
