Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
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