Me too. Send a cab. Order food.
i just had sex bonerless
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize