oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
Got baptized for New Years. In champagne and cheap vodka.
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
Randomize
