My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
bring money and cleavage
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Have you heard yourself have sex?
I'm not THAT loud...
My neighbors filed a noise complaint.
Randomize
