I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I kept yelling "BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY FUCKING BLINDERS" in a terrible brummie accent at everyone I saw wearing a flatcap.
Two words: nipple clamps
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