Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
Ps what kind of horrible ppl are we that we both checked blackberries during sex and neither minded?
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I need moral support for this bender
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
