Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Btw you guys passed out eating DP dough and watching Pocahontas... on a monday
it was stoner heaven..
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