took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
We just made mixed drinks in the bathroom of burger king. This is sad.
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
My vagina needs a break, I had to ice it with a beer bottle last night.
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
Omg I got up from his bed and almost did a header into the wall because I came so many times I forgot how to walk.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
