I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
I woke up to 'call me' written in red lipstick on my chest. Thats the hottest/sluttiest thing ever. I win at LIFE!
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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