a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
i might even pee on it at walmart i am so nervous
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
There's a man in a pumpkin/reaper outfit advertising a new head shop outside the Taco Bell. I love this town.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
I will expect an hourly check text to confirm you are alive and that you aren't dead in a ditch somewhere with a hobo dry humping your corpse
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Randomize