i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
