do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Well I pulled a muscle in my leg dancing in the tanning booth drunk at 1 pm soooo there's that
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I just pulled a piece of cookie out of my bra in the middle of class. I'm forever alone.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Inebriation Olympics: Team Drunk vs Team Stoned. This weekend. It's on.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
