Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
I think I'm still high. And I definitely still smell like lobster, so there's that
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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