He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
I've never been so excited to have my ass in so much pain.
Honestly I am too high to watch videos of you jerking off right now
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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