Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
