she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
