I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
