absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i was high and broke so i stole a roast chicken and a 40 inch sheet cake from wegmans and ate in a bathroom stall.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
if that dog is afraid of alcohol then he's no dog of mine
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Randomize
