Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
Chicken strips. I got my nose broken because of Chicken strips.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
No celebraish? But today's the day that Jesus, Bruce Springsteen, and a flock of bald eagles came down from the heavens in fighter jets with electric guitars and M-16s a blazon, saying "Hey America, fuck the Red Coats, it's time to party"
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
