I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I am so hung over a medically induced coma is beginning to sound appealing.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
