Just had a conversation with Jon gosselin
Until you fuck him in front of his kids stop wasting my time with stupid texts.
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
