shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
Randomize