the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
It's like, I'm the official vagina for that DJ group
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
Randomize
