ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
