He uses pillows to masturbate.
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Ummmm yeah ..,.. All three girlfriends I have right now are chatting with each other at the party...... I'll see you on the other side
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
We somehow ended up in Oklahoma. Nick's been crapping for two hours and I'm afraid to call a doctor because who the hell knows what sort of stuff goes down in the middle of nowhere. So not a great long weekend really.
Randomize
