I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
100 proof captain the only man who can make me strip during a snowstorm
We got drunk and crashed a fifty year old woman's birthday party for the food. Whoops.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Randomize
