hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
Randomize
