I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
