thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
Randomize