This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
You invited the cop in for a "Celebrity shot"
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize