At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
Randomize
